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my Life Purpose Statement
I wrote mine down last year prompted by The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. And I’ve been feeling so lost, bad, guilty, hopeless, and I decided to give it all to God… I found myself going through my gratitude book where I had written… “mine [life purpose statement] is to love and depend on God, bring my —– children to Him, help the children realise their purposes and gifts in life. Be a beacon of hope for others and to love people and the world* as Christ did”.
*not sure about that last bit, but I think I know what I mean ☺
If you feel depressed, like you need someone to speak to but don’t know who or can’t find the strength… then just know you should give it to God. I felt bad that I just want to speak to someone and then I’m not speaking to God. I didn’t want to speak to God because I think I thought it meant I was admitting something… not sure what. But I just felt that if I’m not speaking to God at all, why would He send me someone to speak to? And I don’t have the strength to do that anyway, so maybe what I feared I’d be admitting to God is that I’m weak. Just as weak as the last time I needed him. But then it’s okay to admit defeat, I’m not strong and that’s okay.
This day was awful for me and I was truly feeling like a failure, like I could only last 2 days “making the most of every day”, like my friends and family died instead of me. But actually, by speaking to God, I feel so much better! I did make the most of my day, even writing this is something to be proud of.
My art!
Oh yeh! I completely forgot to mention…yesterday I went to support one of my friends art exhibitions and there was an exhibiting company there who have connected with me. I randomly showed them my art and they liked it. And also another artist came in and he asked to see my art and he really liked it too! He advised me to make more. That has given me encouragement because I always felt like not showing my art because I felt it wasn’t good enough. 💛💛🎨
No to suicide - Yes to Life 💚
I have decided to win back every day that I wanted to take my own life. Everyday I’m going to write about why I want to live. Because I want the next part of my life to be the best part of my life, making up for every day I didn’t think I’d make it or wanted to give up!
I’m starting with this:
I want to LIVE because…
1. God has given me a fresh start.
2. For the Lord who suffered for ME.
3. I am BEAUTIFUL and more people need to see my beauty ☺️.
4. I have souls to help save for Jesus.
5. I am an excellent dancer and have more smiles to make and jaws to drop.
6. I have more memories to make for myself.
7. I have more special moments to create for others.
8. I have a family to love.
9. I have a handsome husband to find and marry
10. I have people to comfort
11. I have people who want to comfort and help me.
12. I have support, to accept and search for, for me.
13. I have life/changing testimonies to tell.
14. I have great food to eat.
15. I have hair to grow (to hip length😉)
16. I have babies to make.
17. I have tears of joy to cry.
18. I have new, amazing people to meet.
19. I have kids and disadvantaged, oppressed people to encourage.
20. I have to TREAT myself!
21. I have to experience the love of God in its entirety.
22. I have birthdays to have abroad
23. I have FIREWORKS to see.
24. I have a church to build!
25. I have parents to make proud & honour.
26. I have children to protect from harm.
27. I have fights to break up!
28. I have sisters to joke with.
29. I have nieces and nephews to guide and love.
30. I have good work to do!
31. I have fancy events to attend.
32. I have more paintings to make.
33. I have to work on my photography!
34. I have a best friend’s wedding to attend one day.
35. I have people to save from committing suicide.
36. I have a whole life ahead of me!
37. I am the only one like me out of 7 billion people on the Earth.
38. I have dogs who love me.
39. I can read and write and have to read and write lots more!
40. I have to help spread the Good News.
Day 21-23 Making the most of every day
I started these so that I could remember the lives of those I’ve lost. Honour them by living my life and making the most of every day I get. Ever since my friend (especially him) died, I promised I’d make the most of every day, and since that time I fell off a bit. It’s important to me to get back on track, live life and not forget my friend and my family who’ve gone. It’s sounds like an easy thing to do, but I’ve found it really difficult on days I’d rather drown…
The past few days have been really good… I’ve been having anxiety attacks and crying a lot recently but I’ve managed to get through my day. I’m really proud of the fact that I listened to my head not my heart when I offered to do something at church when no one else could. My heart wanted to stay indoors but my head said this is an opportunity to serve/worship. So I did that. I had an anxiety attack during that time but I pulled through until the end, so I’m really proud of that.
I also managed to get out and do something else that needed doing, while having anxiety.
I managed to also finish some work that I’d been needing to do. I did this by saying to myself the day before that I was going to do it, and I followed through… I stopped and started, stopped and started…but I did it! I communicated with certain people, which I haven’t been wanting to do because of the anxiety and depression. I’m actually okay. Things aren’t so bad.
I appreciate my life and I’m so proud I’ve stayed around to see it. I have some amazing things coming up this month and hopefully more opportunities to put myself forward for things.
How cool is this lady. She is called Kirsty and I’ve seen her art before but basically she uses art to express what it’s like to be black and have a mental illness, which she herself suffered with for ages. I’ve seen her art before but this is so nice to see the person behind it x
Day 14: Making the most of every day
I spent so much of my life wanting to end it, since I was 10 in fact. Sometimes that realisation creeps up on me… it stirs me to make everyday count & to be grateful 🌬
Today was a good day. Taught the kids. Had a great conversation with this guy down the road who genuinely cares about how I am. Had another fantastic conversation with a friend, who helped me tremendously on something. Cooked for my sister, and she looked at her plate and was like, “wow!” Lol. And I was content today. I realised not everything I do needs to have the outcome I expect. I tried and that’s the most important thing, and I’m gonna KEEP trying for the glory of God. Like with my kid today who spent the whole time on just one activity and refused to work properly. My colleague said, “don’t worry about the outcome… we can celebrate this [his homework, which was flippin excellent actually]. And my other colleague was so nice to me today, she smiled at me and I suppose she always does but I never really felt so much love. It’s like people think I’m a nice person? 🤗 Thank you God for how you’re working in my life & those around me.
A reminder for us all | Give yourself a chance | If you have it and it’s good take it | Live your life ✨
Honestly, my greatest achievement this year is that I didn’t take my own life. I dragged myself through and I’m here 🤗
I have decided to make pick me up videos for myself when I’m feeling down. It’s a collection of my art journal pieces and images I saved online that really helped me. I hope you like it and it helps you x